And the award for best actor goes to - the envelope please - the award for best actor goes to every office holder of ODS and US! Congratulations to you all!
So, all this time, every official in ODS and every MP for ODS has simply been presenting an elaborate play to the Czech public. The acrimonious split of the party, the nasty accusations at the end of November, the bitter race to collect support in the run-up to the Podlbrady conference, the formation of a new party and all the individual defections to the splinter group: all of that was a show.
They fooled us all with their wonderful acting; all that is, except you, Mr Gross. You figured out their devious plan. You saw through their clever acting.
Well, I say: let's get these guys in the films and on Broadway then, because they are the best actors the world has ever seen. Have they already got agents? I am available, and I know a director in New York who would really admire their performance.
No seriously, it was a good joke, anyway, Mr Gross. The whole Republic had a good laugh. Very funny. The split in ODS was really just a show, a great show (velki divadlo). Oh, that was a good one. A real rib-tickler.
What's that you say, Mr Gross? You are serious? You are not joking? Oh dear.
Well, if it's not a joke, Mr Gross, then either a) you have been asleep for the past year or so; b) you have some information in a briefcase you'd like to show the president; or c) this is the raving foolishness of a party that is paranoid about losing its lead in the polls. (I don't know about you, gentle reader, but I'd go for c.)
Just for the record, the conflict within ODS that eventually led to the split dates back to at least June 1996, when many bitter critics emerged within the party to blame Klaus for the party's less than stellar performance in the parliamentary elections. Not coincidentally, some of those early critics would later blast Klaus for making compromises with Zeman over crucial issues like the Czech-German Declaration, and many of the same people are now the leaders of US. No play-acting, Mr Gross, these people did not get along. As the polls showed ODS losing popularity and scandals began to appear, the anti-Klaus rebels made their move. What the rebels tried to do was capture ODS by expelling Klaus from the leadership and then blame him for all the problems they would subsequently find in party finances etc. Though they at first tried to gain control of the helm, the rats eventually left the sinking ship, as rats are known to do.
But the ship didn't sink completely. The rebels in the party leadership underestimated Klaus' strength and authority at the regional and communal level. The rebellious rats didn't realise that the senile old captain still had significant support among the crew.
Those are the facts of the matter, Mr Gross. I am afraid your conspiracy theories are a bit desperate. To be true, such a conspiracy would rely not only on all of our knowledge from the pasts months being null and void but also on all of these actors being incredibly devious and clever. As they are politicians, the devious part is easy enough to believe, but the clever part is missing. In reality, politicians as a general rule are not that bright (as recent ravings about conspiracies theories show). The ODS group could never have followed through with such a complicated long-term plan.
If there is a conspiracy between ODS and US, Mr Gross, it is the best acting I have seen in years, and they all deserve Oscars. It's a funny idea, but don't confuse it with reality.